The End is Really Just the Beginning.

I'm home. It doesn't feel real, and I don't think that I want it to.

I've tried to blog about leaving and to give some final thoughts for the past few days. I don't know if the universe knew better, but something would always get in the way. My computer crashed. The other house's power went out. The vans came to pick us up early. Regardless, I was never able to articulate what I was feeling about leaving, and now I think that it was a good thing. There were, and are, so many things to sort out in my mind. But there are some things that are burning a little bit brighter in my memory, and I think they are the ones that are the most worth mentioning.

My words will never do them justice, but the most important part of my experience was the people that I shared it with. I have been fortunate to meet some pretty amazing people in my life, but this group seriously takes the cake. I have never been surrounded by so many insightful, wise, daring, intriguing, passionate (word chosen carefully), and all around caring people all at one time. I have learned something from each and every one of them, and they have all shaped this experience in more ways than they know. Each one of them sort of completes me a bit, so I've decided to refer to them as my 17 soul mates (this is including Aaron, just so that there isn't any confusion). I think that they know why. I thank them all.



Secondly, I need to mention a little something that we've started to call "the love". South Africa is just overflowing with the love. It would be incorrect to say that things there are wonderful. To say that apartheid is over would be a ridiculous statement. To say that there is no fear, no violence, would be an outright lie. All of the evils of any world exist in South Africa as well. But there is a little light that shines just a little bit brighter there. An intangible feeling that was just inescapable, especially in Gugulethu. It was the love. The love for life, the love for each other, the love for faith, and most importantly the hope. I am doing my very, very best at this moment to bring some of the love back with me. I hope that I can share it with all of you.



In South Africa I got a tattoo. I mention this not only because it's awesome (although it is) but rather because I think that its significance says a lot about my experience. The tattoo that I chose to get is actually a doodle from Maryam's journal that I kind of stumbled upon when we were at Thobeka's house in Gugs. It's the silouhette of a woman dancing, and you can just feel the movement in it.



For me, this tattoo serves multiple purposes. First, she symbolizes the importance that I put on the term "freedom". Not freedom like we normally think of it, but freedom of self. The freedom to have an opinion, to let yourself have an experience, to open yourself up and to grow. South Africa has shown me all of these things, and made me realize just how important to me they are. Secondly, She's moving in a way that is so carefree- a quality that I have never possessed but am determined to achieve. My time in South Africa and the things that I have seen have shown me that there is no need to worry. Life works itself out even in the most despairing of times, and I hope to continually remind myself of that. Most importantly, my tattoo reminds me of where I've been and why I chose to get her. She is a piece of my time in SA that I can take with me always, that will never leave my side. Every time someone sees her they'll ask about her, and I will be forced to remember. I'll be brought back to this pivotal time in my life- the emotions, feelings, the memories, events, people and places- and I will never, ever be able to forget.

I am so afraid to forget. Even in these past few hours, part of me has started to fade. I've laughed with my sister, eaten Chipotle, and watched tv. Nothing too out of the ordinary, but that's almost the problem. This world is exactly the same. I feel like I'm already settling in. I'm going to choose to blame it on the jet lag, my lack of sleep, and my emotional roller coaster that I've been riding for three weeks. I'm telling myself that right now I'm just not equipped to process everything that has happened. But I recognize that I need to be careful. I need to make sure that everything that I've learned and experiences doesn't ever leave my heart, or my mind.

So next time you see me, ask me about my tattoo. Don't let me forget, don't let me digress to the person I used to be. Ask me about her, and listen when I tell my story.


I just want to say thank you for reading about my experiences. I apologize for my lack of fluidity, continuity and probably my lack of insightfulness from time to time. But just knowing that someone back home was learning from what I did has made all the difference. Much thanks, and much love.

-Elisa

Just a little update

I know its been forever since I've posted, but things have just been so busy! It's strange to not be in Gugulethu still, and it's been difficult to adjust to regular life again. Overall I think it's going well- I'm trying to keep a fresh perspective yet still assimilate to a certain extent to "normal" life in Cape Town.

First, a little run-down on what we've been doing since we got back...

Friday night we came back and everyone needed to blow off some steam. I know that personally I was emotionally drained, and needed to just get my mind off of everything we'd been exposed to that week. We headed downtown, doing a little bar hopping and just enjoying each others company. Two of our South African friends, Anjeth and Allan came with, which is always fun. Again- it was hard to go from life in Gugs to the posh, almost ignorant Cape Town lifestyle, but I think a lot of us needed to just re-group ourselves.


Saturday we had another excursion, a wine lands tour. It was a good day- we got to learn how wine was made, about different types and how to tell whether one is good or not. Again, it was sometimes a little difficult to be in places where people spent money so frivolously right after we had been exposed to such extreme poverty, but I had to remind myself that the world is full of injustices. I can't be mad at people who have the funds to go to or live in nice places, whether it's fair or not. Just one of many things I've been pondering lately.


Sunday was a free day, which was much needed I think. A group went shark diving, while me, Aaron, Hilary, Maryam and Jesse had another endeavor, which we all promised not to reveal publicly until we got home (curious?). Things didn't work out as planned, and we ended up at a little bar on Long Street enjoying a cocktail and talking basically about life. It ended up being EXACTLY what I had needed to do. We talked for close to two hours- evaluating what we had experienced that last week, and how it would affect us in the future. I'm so very thankful for our talk, it really helped me sort through some of the complicated things that I'd been struggling with. It confirms my belief that it's so very important to surround yourself with people who understand and support you. I've learned so much about relationships this trip, and I hope that I come back a better daughter, sister, and friend because of it.

This week is now going by in a flash, and I cannot believe that in 48 hours I'll be on a plane coming home. For a while a group of us had been trying to make arrangements to stay 5 days later- Interstudy had found us free housing, and we were almost sure that we could get a cheap flight. Almost... all the flights from JFK to Mpls were full :( Unfortunate, yet I'm sure that even if we did stay it would be just as hard to leave as it will be on Friday.

Tomorrow I'm going to try to put up a few more blogs about my time in Gugulethu. I need to talk to you all about a woman named Priscilla that we met- a woman who has taken in 9 orphaned children in addition to her 2 own. A moving story, and a cause that our group is going to be trying to raise money for when we get home. If you're at all moved by her story, I encourage you to get involved with our fundraiser in a few weeks. I also want to discuss Thembelethu- a school for physically disabled children where we spent our time on Friday. Look for that soon. :)

Wishing you all love, and challenging you to find an experience that will teach you as much as this has taught me.

Homestay

I've always heard that when you go abroad doing a homestay is essential. I never really agreed with that statement, but after our three days staying with Thobeka and Sinazo I've decided that it's a must.

Thobeka is 55 years old, the mother of 2 sons and the primary caregiver for her 11 year old granddaughter, Sinazo. It's just the two of them in the house, and we never really got the full story on why Sinazo's father is in PE (a city about 12 hours away) without her. There seems to be a lot of history, and a lot of pain, in Thobeka's past.

Below is Thobeka's house from the street. The house consists of a living area, two bedrooms, a bathroom (?) and a small kitchen. It's modest, but functional.
Below is the view from where Maryam is standing, so Thobeka's neighborhood. This is a fairly typical neighborhood in Gugulethu. Look at it closely. A little different from home, huh?

Here is the bedroom where Maryam and I slept. Again, it's simple- and probably by American standards not very nice. But we were very comfortable, and slept great :) On the right where the cement starts was our bathroom. There was a bathtub (no shower), a sink and a toilet. However, there is no hot running water in the house. So, I had another new experience: I learned how to take a bucket shower.
You're probably wondering what a bucket shower is, and for those of you who know me well, you're going to be impressed that I did it. We heated up a pot of water on the stove which you then bring with you to the bathtub. You stand in the tub and then use a small bowl to pour the water on yourself. It was a good experience, to say the least. A good way to appreciate not only what you have, but also to show yourself that you really can do with less. That seemed to be a big take-away for me this week: be grateful for what you have, and recognize that to live simply is not to live with less value. It's so easy to forget that sometimes.

I wish I could explain my feelings about staying with Thobeka. I value our after dinner chats over a glass of Riboos tea, her favorite. Thobeka wasn't always easy to talk to. She was a little more reserved, older than most of the other host moms, and she was private about her life. After our first night, I felt a little bit down. Thobeka was so hospitable, yet she wasn't bonding with us like the other momma's and their students. But Maryam brough up a good point- there is a generational difference. For Gugs and the situation, Thobeka is older. Her entire life has been spent looking after others. She quit school at 16 to take care of her younger sisters when her parents died. She supports her sisters kids (I believe there's 5), and has Sinazo in her home. She works 5 days a week at a doctor's office. She doesn't have a car, and she does all of the washing outside by hand because there's no hot water in the house. Thobeka is tired. And she has every right to be.

Now I feel like I was put with Thobeka for a reason. I am not by any means de-valuing anyone else's time with their families, but I feel like some people had it very easy. They had bubbly, talkative, gregarious families. Most of them had nicer homes, and more people to learn from. But in my situation, it was challenge. It wasn't easy at all. It was hard emotionally and I really had to push myself. I had (and have) a lot to think about, and honestly at the time I was upset. But I came to South Africa to be challenged, and to challenge who I am. So, thank you universe, for not letting me just take it easy.
I also need to mention Sinazo. Sinazo was me and Maryam's pride and joy this week. At first she was shy, and I was a little worried that we wouldn't bond with her. And of course, I was wrong again. Sinazo was so fun to hang out with. She tried to teach us how to speak Xhosa, but of course we aren't very good at the clicks. She liked to tease us when we asked her stupid questions, like where her school was (just up the road, duh), and what her favorite show was (Generations, of course). She would wake us up in the morning, and take care of us at bedtime.
I miss Sinazo's sassiness, her excitement, and her hugs. I like to think that she'll miss us too.

There's so much to say about living in Gugulethu and I haven't even scratched the surface. It's an experience that's near impossible to explain, even to myself. But I know that I'm coming away a better, stronger, and more appreciative person because of it. I'm thankful for what I have, yet also disgusted at some of the things that I've done, said, or wanted in the past. Right now I'm wrestling with a lot of these emotions, and it's going to take a while to sort out. But again, I'm so very thankful that I'm even having the opportunity to question myself in this way. It truly makes me a better person. More on townships, thoughts, and feelings in the days to come.

On a lighter note- tomorrow and Tuesday are going to be some interesting days. You'll have to wait to find out, but I think some of you will be surprised :)

Home is Where the Heart Is

I don't even know how to begin to explain the last few days. The only thing that comes to mind is life-altering. It's going to be difficult to blog, but I think it's really important for me to share my experiences as best I can. A lot of what I write is probably going to be more centered around my thoughts and my emotions, so I apologize if it's difficult to follow.

I feel the need to talk about the people of Gugulethu before anything else, because they are truly the reason that I feel so amazing and why I think that I'm coming out of this a better person. The people of Gugulethu are by far and away the most welcoming, friendly, loving, high-spirited and "full of life" that I have ever encountered. "Minnesota Nice" has nothing on these people. I've had more hugs from complete strangers this week than I normally get over the course of a few months. I've shaken more hands, received more smiles, and learned more names that I can even explain. And I loved every moment of it.

Gugulethu, as I've explained, is a township that is a result of apartheid. People often think that the entire township is full of shacks, which isn't necessarily true. It reminds me of any other place (well, with more extremes)- there are people who have, and people who don't. There are nicer houses, and then there are shacks made of pieces of scrap metal and shipping containers. It's so difficult to see, and more difficult to explain, however its important to note. And here's why: no matter where these people stand economically, they all of the best attitudes that I have ever been around. People are always smiling, laughing, joking, dancing. More on the dancing another time. People who have absolutely nothing are so excited just to be alive. Life is a gift,and they don't intend to waste it.

So many of us feel so at home now in Gugulethu. How amazing to find a home 8000 miles away from your own, with people who are so very "different" from you. It just doesn't seem possible. I feel like I have 8 other "mommas" as we called our host families, and I know that any time I walk into their homes that I am welcome. You just don't find that back at home. I'm not undermining anyone, just stressing how intensely wonderful these people are. Here we were, 18 white kids from the U.S., and a community of black Xhosa-speaking South Africans, and it felt just like home. It's one of the best things I have ever felt in my life. As one of our host daddy's said, "When you are here you aren't a stranger. We're all brothers and sisters." And it just felt true.

However, in my entire time in Gugulethu there was one group of people who have touched me the most, and who have given me the time of my life. And they were the kids. These kids are growing up in some of the worst conditions that you can even imagine. Some of them have no shoes, no socks. Many of them are orphaned, or are living with aunts, grandmothers, older siblings. They probably sleep 5 or 6 to a bed at night, and odds of them having more than one (if that) decent meal a day isn't good. They face the dangers of rape every single day, just walking to school. They are growing up in a way that no one should ever, ever have to live. And yet- every single child that we saw was the happiest kid that I had ever met. They're always laughing, smiling, waving. They held out hands, kissed our cheeks and always wanted to be hugged.



The entire time that we were working with the kids, which was generally for multiple hours a day, I never saw one of them cry. Not once. No frowns, no complaining. Just pure happiness. This might not sound that strange, but when I think of my past experiences with kids and home I just kind of wrinkle my nose. They're always whining, crying, bored, hungry, etc. Not these kids. They're honestly magical. And being with them and learning from them has changed my life.



It all boils down to attitude. We might not be able to change our situations. Life isn't perfect- it never will be. There are so many injustices in the world, and trying to solve them all just makes me want to break down and cry. But the people of Gugulethu have taught me such an important lesson. Life is life, no matter where you are. All we can do is live, and all we can truly give is our love.

I truly understand now why the meaning of Gugulethu, in Xhosa, is "our pride". They have so, so much to be proud of.

Gugulteu

Yesterday marked the start of the real reason why we're in South Africa. It was our first trip to Guguletu where we headed to the JL Zwane community center for church and to meet our host families.

First off, the community center is amazing. Put in the center of a town that's ridden of complete poverty, it's a beautiful building that serves the area with multiple programs, and includes a church. We med with Edwin, who is our main contact the the JL Zwane for the week. He then introduced us to our host parents. They are all phenomenal! Me and Maryam will be staying with Thobeka (pronounced like Toe-becca), a 55 year old single woman, and her granddaughter who is 11. As soon as Edwin called our names, Thobeka jumped out of her chair and gave us huge hugs. She's so excited to have us, and now I am so excited to stay with her.

It was a huge relief- I had been more nervous than I'd like to admit about the homestay. Living in someone's home for three nights is a little scary, but now I'm completely at ease. All three nights all of us will get together for dinner, hosted by a different family. My family is first- which means that me and Maryam will be helping to make dinner for all 17 of us plus the other families. If you know me at all, then you know that I screw up microwaveable food... so this will be interesting. Maybe I'll come back with some new cooking skills :)

After meeting Thobeka, we all headed in to church. We sat with our hosts, and it was interesting to be doing exactly what she does every week. The service was a mix of Xhosa and English, but all of the singing was in Xhosa. I tried desperately to keep up, but it was impossible. Xhosa is such an interesting language (for those who don't know, an "x" in Xhosa is a clicking sound. I've been trying all week to do it, and still haven't gotten it), and I love listening to it. The service itself was so interesting. There's lots of soulful singing, people clapping and dancing along. I also learned that I have absolutely no rhythm. One of the other host moms promise to teach us all how to dance on Thursday night. I don't consider myself an especially religious person, but when the first song started and I saw everyone joining together, singing beautifully in a language I didn't understand, I honestly started to tear up.

Today we went back to Gugs (as the locals call it, and I probably will from now on) to JL Zwane and had our lectures. I'm not going to go into detail because I had a lot of other experiences today, but Edwin, Spiwo (the minister of the church) and a man named Kenneth from the Truth and Justice Committee were our speakers. Again, they were so insightful, eloquent, and thought-provoking. I feel like we were very privileged to have them talk to us. Afterwards we got to go downstairs and see a Siyaya (sp?) performance. Siyaya is a group of about 9 performers, ranging from 18-30, who put on performances that revolve around AIDS education. They did a mini-performance for us of about 5 songs (they were all in Xhosa so I couldn't understand them), but they were phenomenal. They leave in a day or two to go on tour for the summer- they'll be in Minneapolis in July, and I'm for sure going to see them. Then it was time for lunch. The way that meals work at the center is interesting. Different members of the community volunteer, and its real home cooking served family style. It was AMAZING. We all agreed that there is nothing better than home-cooked African food. Just thought you should all know :)

The rest of the day I’m still trying to process. We took a tour of the township, and I thought that I knew what to expect. Surrounding JL Zwane are actual houses. They aren’t nice by American standards(which is an interesting conversation for another time), but they’re formal houses. Just a few blocks away, however, is a completely different story. I’ve heard about the shacks, I’ve seen pictures. This was not something I was prepared for. Gugs has a population of over 300,000. Take a moment, think for a second about how large of a city that is. I would say that at least half of those people, although I’m speculating, live in these shacks. Comprised of metal scraps, pieces of plastic, basically just random discarded objects, these “houses” are smaller than my bathroom at home. One girl, Noyo, invited us into her house to see what her living situation is like. Below is a picture of some of the group standing outside of her house afterwards.

Noyo is 18 years old, and lives with her 9 year old brother. Their parents died years ago- I don’t think she mentioned how, but there is a decent chance that AIDS played a role. Noyos house has two rooms, and couldn’t fit all 17 of us in at once. They have a very small “kitchen” with a refrigerator and a table. There is no real floor. There are pieces of scrap linoleum lining the ground, which is dirt underneath. The roof is being held up on wood rafters with empty shampoo bottles to level them out. There is one bed. This is how Noyo, who is still almost a child herself, has been raising her and her brother for years. Her situation is not unique.

I'm struggling with how to feel about this. About Noyo, about the whole town, about the situation. I don't know what emotions are appropriate, and I don't know what right I have to feel any certain way. People are people. The people in Gugs were doing the daily things that we all do- going to the market, getting their hair done, walking with friends. It was just in an area of poverty. In a setting that I've never seen. Kids ran down the street playing, big smiles on their faces. Who am I to feel sad for them? I don't think that anyone should have to live in a shack like Noyo. Any human deserves better than that. But who am I to feel sorry for her? I can't relate to her. I can't understand her. But I can respect her, and try to learn as much as I can from her situation. I think its going to take me a few days to process this.

Tomorrow we start our homestays. We won't be back to our houses until after the day is done on Friday, so I won't be writing until afterwards. I'm sure there will be a TON to say after this experience. I'm a little nervous- especially since I'm still not feeling 100% heath-wise, but I'm mainly excited and interested. My plan is to go into it with an open mind and an open heart.

Safari Time!

Today we went on an actual safari! I’d really been looking forward to this- I was hoping that it would finally make me feel like I was in Africa, and it certainly didn’t disappoint.

The only drawback to this was that we had to wake up at 4:30 to grab the bus and make the two hour trek inland to the reserve. I think we’d all agree that it was well worth it. The reserve was beautiful, especially the welcome area/lodging. It looked like something out of a magazine, and as soon as our ranger for the day Grant rolled up in a huge safari van, I felt like I was finally in Africa.

The reserve was huge, with so many cool animals. First we went to the jaguars- and we actually went inside the cage, right up next to them. I was scared to death, but Grant explained that they’re rescue jaguars, and are used to the cars coming in and aren’t interested in hunting/attacking. They were such beautiful, graceful animals, and it was awesome to be so close to them. Unfortunately we couldn’t get that close to the lions, because they were originally canned lions (raised with the intention of being sold to people to hunt them), and they view humans as food.

After stopping at the lions, we went into the main reserve. It was huge- Grant said something about having over 2000 some acres, and that it’s a self-sustaining ecosystem. Humans don’t do much to the reserve except to feed the animals if completely necessary, or to help with sick animals. Probably the coolest thing we did was get out of the car and walked with the giraffes. It was amazing to be with them in their natural environment, but they were a little shy and didn’t want to come too close.

When we were leaving the area two of the males started fighting, and we got to see them swing their heads and hit each other with their horns. Pretty sweet. We also saw white rhinos, buffalo, zebra and springbok- the national animal of South Africa. It was a great day, and was one time when I actually didn’t mind being tourist-ey, which normally I’m not really a fan of.

We had an equallt great night: we had postponed Nate’s birthday celebration due to the early safari, so that night we went out in downtown Cape Town. All of us, including Aaron, the Interstudy staff and Seviwe (our tour guide who’s around our age) came with us to dinner at Marco’s, a restaurant with African cuisine. I had ostrich steak, something I never expected to eat (it tastes pretty much like normal steak), and native Guguletu beer (which tasted nothing like beer at all). There was an awesome live band that played Bob Marley during dinner, and its safe to say that we all had an awesome time.

Afterwards we hopped to a few bars downtown, and just danced and socialized with each other, as well as with Seviwe, Ajethe (an Interstudy staff member), and his friend Alaan. It was fun to be out with South Africans, and to have them teaching us dance moves and other fun things about the modern culture. I’m definitely hoping that we have a chance to do it again.

Overall, it was another amazing day in the most amazing place that I have ever been. And we haven’t even started doing the best part- the townships. You might not be able to get me home.